The current world is internet driven and a record shows that by the age of two, nearly 90% of the American children have an online history of their own. The survey also shows that at the age of five years, nearly 50 percent of them are regularly interacting with tablet or computer device and at the age of 7 or 8, they regularly play computer games. The report also shows that teenagers are texting on an average of 3400 times per month. By the age of 11 to 14 years, children are known to spend most of their free time with computers as compared to their parents or teachers. This has a major impact on their psychology. Continue reading “Impact of Internet on Teen Psychology”
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Earlier, divorces used to be very rare and couples were considering tolerance towards their spouses as a great and necessary virtue. This attitude helped in saving many marriages. But now, couples resort to divorce even if there are small problems between the spouses. There may be many reasons for this. Tolerance levels in people and especially in married couples may have come down, other factors may outweigh their decision to continue to live together and so on. But, the fact is that divorce is being viewed as a strong tool that can solve problems between spouses. The major reasons for the failure of important relationships like marriages are discussed here. Continue reading “Why Do Marriages Fail?”
Holidays are a popular time to connect with family and close friends. That’s a good thing, right? So how come it’s such a common source of stress and anxiety? Because nobody but nobody pushes our buttons like the near and dear. Let’s face it–imminent reunions can conjure mixed feelings– even dread or fear. But why? Rules of civility that apply as we interact with others in our daily lives somehow get thrown out the window when it’s family-of-origin time. Does your clan engage in bad behavior when they convene? Perhaps suddenly, teasing, sarcasm and below-the-belt jokes are fair game. Insults- subtle or not so subtle, might be tossed around. Competition and rivalry may ensue. Insecurities surface like annual clockwork. Sensitivity is on steroids and everyone’s got issues. Sound familiar?
One explanation is that we tend to fall back into old patterns that were in play as children, when we’re in the company of those with whom we grew up. We’re prone to emotionally regress and adopt a former, and yes–immature– way of relating. It’s like your child self recognizes the familiar dynamic you grew up with and your behavior adapts to fit the old mold. Subconsciously, you fall into that childhood role that never really felt good in the first place. For example, if you felt ignored and overlooked as the “invisible middle child,” you might feel offended when you’re the only one who doesn’t get stuffing on your plate. These kinds of triggers may sound silly, but the feelings that go with them are real, so we might as well prepare to deal with it.
Yes, the extended family get together offers a minefield of drama. And yet, it’s all worth it, if our enjoyment trumps all. If, on the other hand, you face a situation that poses you harm or could be considered abuse, then it’s perfectly within reason to decline. A sense of obligation to tradition has to be weighed against safety and self-preservation. Do not feel obligated to subject yourself to emotional, verbal or physical abuse. The following tips are meant for the typical holiday trappings that afflict us on the order of the common cold. For more serious stuff, seek support and feel free to steer clear. You must take care of yourself. That said, let’s address run of the mill holiday nonsense.
Traditional family gatherings can push us into old roles and patterns that do not feel relevant to who we are today. And yet, maintaining our ties with relatives is important. Here’s a month’s worth of suggestions to help you tip the scale to positive:
- Anchor in your best self, even as they make waves.
- Set the intention to enjoy yourself. Yes, insist on having a good time!
- Bring out the best in others and notice how they do the same for you.
- Observe the old patterns in play. Don’t engage automatically. Instead, watch it all go down and be detached–even amused.
- Don’t try to change, fix or save anyone. You can’t. Besides, trying to do so suggests they’re broken and you’re superior.
- Be yourself. If you’re not the person you once were, let them see who you are now. They will adapt–eventually.
- Expect someone to behave badly. Don’t let it bring you down. (And don’t let it be you!)
- Add your input to the mix. Someone else will be grateful if you follow your desire for fun. Build an igloo–mix it up.
- Pause before you speak. If what you say might be offensive, skip it. Be funny, sure, but not at someone else’s expense.
- Listen more than talk. Don’t be the one to dominate the dinner table conversation. Contribute to the balance.
- If drama stirs up, don’t get in the middle. Those who have conflict with each other need to deal directly with each other.
- Don’t be preachy. Remember that, as Emerson said, “Every man I meet is in some way my superior.” Learn, as well as teach.
- Practice receiving a compliment. Instead of giving 3 reasons why it’s really not a cute haircut, just say “Thanks.”
- Surprise relatives with random acts of kindness. Wash the dishes. Hold the door. Recycle the wrapping paper.
- Express appreciation. Tell a family member what you’ve always admired about them. As in, “You’re my role model for courage, Aunt Suze.”
- Check judgment at the door. It’s not your job to critique your kin. And the less you judge them, the more you’re off the hook.
- Focus on the positives. Search out what you love about each person in your midst and focus upon that.
- Feel your power. You can create a better experience this year for everyone, with the attitude you bring. It’ll be contagious.
- Speak your truth. Make sure your words are aligned with who you really are. Authenticity is more important than pleasing others.
- Lighten up. Don’t let the slightest thing ruffle your feathers. Shake it off.
- Do something different. (Surprise them with your edible gingerbread castle.) Or better yet, just BE different. In a good way.
- Pick a virtue to embody on an occasion or throughout the season. Ground in gratitude or adopt a posture of patience, perhaps.
- Remember, if someone acts out, it’s not about you. It’s about them. It’s their stuff–don’t take it personally.
- Consider how, at times, it might be you. Your stuff. If so, be self-aware enough to own it. Make a private plan to deal with your reactivity, temper, resentment–or whatever it is that arises. Enlist a therapist as your holiday gift to self.
- Don’t participate in toxic patterns such as co-dependence. Take steps to dismantle toxic entanglement.
- Think of someone you admire and bring that role model with you, in your heart and mind. Embody those qualities you aspire to have yourself, as you mix and mingle.
- Experiment. Challenge yourself to interact differently. For example–how deeply can you listen? How positive can you be?
- Play. Even as you consciously choose to act as an adult when childhood ways threaten to set you back, you gotta allow for the magic and wonder to bewitch you.
- Instead of assuming it’ll be the same old thing, wipe the slate clean and allow for a totally new experience. Relate in a fresh way and watch your optimism snowball.
- Consider it a spiritual training ground. If you can let your highest self shine around your family of origin, you can pretty much do it with anyone.
- Congratulate yourself for creating a more enjoyable way to relate that you can build upon in years to come.
This just might be the best holiday season ever. Good luck with that zany cast of characters you call family. And enjoy!
Read more: HOLIDAY GATHERINGS MAKE YOU SHIVER? | Faith Freed | Author & Clinician (MACP) http://faithfreed.com/blog/uncategorized/holiday-gatherings-make-you-shiver/#ixzz2lM2IEReS Under Creative Commons License: Attribution
When you get married, you cannot assume that even without making any efforts, your marriage will be successful. But, the fact is that you should nurture your relationship with your spouse appropriately to make your marriage successful. Many couples commit the mistake of ignoring this aspect and they are not able to have healthy marriages. Continue reading “What it Takes to Build a Healthy Marriage”
Teen depression ranks among the fastest growing and the most threatening problems we all face. Though there are certain experts who opine that gender plays a role in this problem, it is yet to be categorically established. As of now, this problem affects teens of both the genders more or less equally. Even other factors like social status, family income, race, educational background, achievements, etc. do not seem to have any role in this problem. Continue reading “What Does Gender Have to do with Teen Depression?”
Once you get married, you are not alone. You have the responsibility of having and maintaining a healthy relationship with your spouse also. This is the first point that has to be borne in mind if you want to avoid couples counseling. Only then, you will give top priority to your relationship with your spouse. But, many couples do not change their priorities even after getting married and that is one of the main reasons for problems in their married lives. Apart from according priority to the relationship with your spouse, you should realize the importance of interdependence in such relationships. Such an outlook will ease the pressure when unforeseen complications come up at a later stage. Some of the tips that can help you avoid couples counseling are discussed here. Continue reading “What Couples Need to Do to Avoid Counseling”
Self esteem is the way you hold yourself; it means how you think about yourself. Folks who have a healthy self pride live a happy and prosperous life. On the other hand, individuals with low esteem live a miserable and poor life. If you believe that you are not important, your life will be meaningless. Moreover, you won’t be able to attract the best things in life by thinking low about yourself. Poor self pride has numerous side effects on the life of any individual. Besides work and social life, low self esteem can take a heavy toll on your relationships. Continue reading “How Can Low Self-esteem Take A Toll On Your Relationships”
Each one of us feels miserable or sad sometimes, but this sort of feeling should be there only for a few minutes or hours. After sometimes, we should be able to enjoy the things around us without worrying. On the other hand, if this type of feeling is disturbing you most of the time and even prevent you from concentrating on things, you may have depression. When there is depression, you might not be able to hang out with your friends and family members or may not be in a position to do well in your school or work. In other words, you will lose interest in everything around you. You might experience that there is a reduction in the level of your self esteem. Now, let us dwell into some details about depression: Continue reading “Effect Of Major And Minor Depression On Your Self Esteem”
Problems with anxiety are common and a record shows that at least one in every six people face this condition at some point in their lives. It is nothing but a feeling of panic or fear. Some people will have this sort of feeling for some specific situations in their life. Like for instance, for some, the exams might be fearful, while for some handling money will be fearful. But, they will become calm once the situation is over. But, in some people, this sort of feeling will bring about an impact on their relationships too. These people should be careful that their anxiety issues should not bring about any problems with their friends or family members. Continue reading “Don’t Let Your Relationships Suffer Due To Your Anxiety Issues”
If you observe that your child has difficulty in making in keeping friends or is unable to conduct himself in an appropriate manner at places like school and parties, which require social interaction, or if he avoids eye contact when conversing, it could mean that your child’s social skills are not up to the mark. You could consider enlisting the help of a children’s social skill group to help your child improve his social skills. Continue reading “What to Look for in Children’s Social Skill Groups”