Apart from the “me” becoming “we”, do healthy marriages mark the end of personal freedom? Does it mean you do everything together, be it activities, or outings? Does it mean you can’t have the same social life as you did before marriage? These are common questions that most soon-to-be-married couples dread.
What is freedom?
Lounging in your bathrobe and watching television all day long, or grooming up for a formal dinner with your in-laws? Taking off on a Hawaiian holiday on a whim, or catering to your spouse’s endless needs? It’s a no-brainer what most people would like to pick, given these situations.
Freedom is merely a puppet of our thought processes. The conventional society has made us believe that marriage is the end of personal freedom. The moment you start thinking that you’re being chained by responsibilities and expectations, you’re going to believe no different. What you need to do is re-assess what responsibilities and expectations are a fair game, and what isn’t. Transforming from your state of singledom to a healthy marriage, isn’t going to be an easy process. Also, comparing your married life to the one you had before it, will only stunt your marriage. You will have to compromise on quite a few things when you’re married, but the returns are priceless.
Where do you draw the line?
Healthy marriages are like a two-way street, you get as much as you give. This doesn’t mean you go overboard, and sacrifice your career and dreams for the ones you love. This will only result in toxic resentments, somewhere down the line. Healthy marriages are built around understanding and respect towards each others needs. Understand what roles you and your partner would like take up in the marriage. Sharing and compromising are just as important in healthy marriages, so it won’t eat up any of your freedoms.
Marriage is not for the immature or self-centered. At the same time, getting married doesn’t mean you need to forgo your individuality and interests. You need to know when to prioritize what, so you get the best of both worlds. Don’t expect your spouse to follow you on all those concerts of that band that you like, just because you’re a team now. If its not their thing, let them be rather than being pushy.
What about social circles? If you think it might get a little messy, considering your friends and your spouse aren’t on the same frequency or the other way round, don’t mix the two. If you had different social circles before marriage, I don’t see why you should change that once you’re married.
Most people miss out on the precious “me” time once they get married. As much as you want to spend your every waking moment together, they might need their space. If your spouse is one of those people who likes some personal time in healthy marriages, make sure they get some, every once in a while. They’ll definitely appreciate it!