One of the main causes for break-up of relationships is abuse. But before knowing how to deal with abuses, you should know how abuses are inflicted upon you.
Signs that show abuses are inflicted upon you
– If the partner is persistently putting you down with statements that may diminish your worth and capabilities. it is certainly a form of abuse.
– You can identify abusive treatment if the partner tries to control you by yelling, intimidating or shouting at you.
– Sometimes, the partner may try to convince you that you will not be believed by anyone, though you are being abused.
– You will observe that the partner has intense jealousy over friends, other members of the family and social contacts.
– In extreme cases, the abusing partner may threaten that he or she will harm the kids, pets or any other loved people.
– There may be physical abuses also. In certain cases, the partner may threaten physical assaults.
– The partner may abuse substances or may have certain addictions. But, these addiction problems do not cause this abusive behavior.
Though abusive individuals seem to be powerful, they really lack self esteem and in fact, they depend on their partners for getting a boost to their self esteem. Some of these people may insist that their partners are bound to do the day-to-day chores though they themselves can handle them.
Since they lack self esteem, they feel that they are powerless and a nobody in the outside world. They wield their power and influence only on you. By attacking and criticizing your abilities, they feel a sense of pride and power. They feel that their self esteem gets boosted up by doing so. But, in the heart of hearts, they fear abandonment. That is why they try to control you and keep you in a fearful, diminished and dependent state.
How to deal with abusing partners or abusive relationships
Try to develop other relationships
You need a support system and therefore, it is necessary that you should develop other relationships. The support system you develop should be meaningful and be a solace and a source of strength to you if you choose the option of splitting or severing the abusive relationship.
There are many resources available for people who suffer due to such abusive relationships. You should try to gain as much knowledge about them as possible. There are several self-help books and materials that can educate you as to how to deal with such relationships.
Ensure your safety
You should make sure that you are safe. For example, you must have a safe place to hide or to go to if an emergency occurs. Your partner may suddenly become violent or threaten to assault you. You must protect yourself from such physical abuses.
Seek professional counseling
If you are not able to bear the abuses, you should not hesitate to seek professional help. Professionals can counsel you as to how to deal with such situations. If you have friends or relatives who can be trusted, you can discuss your problem with them also.
Focus on a positive and bright future
Instead of brooding over the past or blaming yourself or others for the problems, you should divert your focus towards how you want to live in future. You should begin taking the right steps for accomplishing your aim. Even if you face criticism, you should not worry about them because there is nothing to feel ashamed of. You must live life on your own terms and no one has a right to interfere in your affairs.